When people think about having a child I’m sure they picture their selves older, married and established ready to give their child the world and instill in them the wisdom they have obtained over the course of their lives. And why wouldn’t they? Bringing another human into this world is continuing your legacy, It’s kind of a big deal, and while most people plan for this moment carefully, a lot of us are unprepared when our little legacy carriers are brought into this world.
Pregnancy
I found out I was pregnant with My earth Angel Jael a little after my 17th birthday.
I was a junior in high school and had no idea how drastically my life would be changing . Obviously, I was fully aware of my actions during conception and equally aware of the possible outcome, but like most 17-year old’s I thought I was the exception to the rule and had everything figured out. After getting past the initial shame of teenage pregnancy, I began to embrace it. My little belly would stick out of my Aeropostale shirts as I ate whatever food I was craving at the time. In the mornings I would walk to school with my friends and they would help me cover my face as we passed McDonalds because the smell of greasy food made me sick. I remember throwing up in homeroom one day and my friend Jean getting me the trash can and patting my back until I felt better. My situation wasn’t ideal but looking back now I realize how blessed I was to have he friends that I did. They never judged me (to my face anyway) and were they super supportive.
Delivery
I had watched enough episodes of A Baby Story to prepare for pretty much any outcome. I had read countless birth books, and articles and decided on a midwife to deliver my diamond in human form. When the day came It was hard to tell I was in labor all of my TLC channel experience told me that Labor pains would feel like a pain in your stomach, mine felt like my back was on fire, sttill super calm I called a cab to take myself to the hospital because of course at that particular time I was home alone. Once I got the back crack in me (epidural) everything was smooth. In a hospital room with my mom, my best friend for life and my daughter’s father I delivered my Indigo child while watching Napoleon Dynamite and pushing for less than 10 minutes. As soon as my eyes met hers I was crying uncontrollably, she on the other hand was quiet and alert.
Baby
My best memories of being home with Jay when she was an infant have to be breast feeding her while watching cartoons. Typically, she slept up until about 3 am. I would wake up and feed her while watching the Nick toons channel (this was back in 2007 before the cable companies lost their damn minds so we had all the channels) they would air these weird shows that I never even heard of . I Would watch cartoons while eating a snack and just bond with my kid. It was so simple and so peaceful. Even though she was just days old the connection I felt to her during these times was almost telepathic.
I guess due to it just being her and I for the most part Jael matured very quickly, she was walking at 7 months and spoke full sentences before her second birthday. It was evident that she was ridicoulously smart and understood way more than exoected at a young age.
Ages 2-3
By the time Jay reached this age I was still technically a teenager, and she went everywhere with me. She would hang out with my friends and I and new all of their names they would look out for me and help with picking her up from day care. Looking back now it seems crazy that I just resumed my teenage life just adding a baby to the equation. I was lucky because my daughter was always easy going and laid back. Sometimes I would even have to bring her to my community college to finish up assignments or for tutoring. Once she told me that she told the kids at day care that her mommy goes to school and that she would go to school just like her.
When she was 3 watched every single season of Rugrats together, a little for her but mostly for me. We also shared a room and some nights she would talk herself to sleep, and I would listen myself to sleep.
Ages 4-6
My early 20’s start and we finally have a house to ourselves (no roommates). Jay had her own room but fell out of bed at least 3 times a night.
Jay started school a year early, and her teachers would try to play me because they new I was young, One of them flat out asked me how old I was. “old enough to know that none of your damn business”
It was during these years that I realized that she could really sing, my mom bought her a karaoke machine and she blew me away with a song I didn’t even know she knew the words to and was on key the entire time.
When it was warm we would go to the park when I got home from work. One day I was playing kick ball with the kids and realized that it had gotten late. I told jay it was time to go and a little boy suggested I ask our parents if we could stay longer “I have bills kid!”
Ages 6-9
My mid 20’s. My baby had a legit friend group and I told them to not call me miss anything. I knew all the kid business because Jay would come home a spill the hot elementary tea. By this time those teachers put respect on my name because they could see I didn’t play about mine.
I had some pretty tough conversations about relationships, love and loss. We probably went through the most during this time. We said good bye to someone who we aren’t ready to let go of and moved across the country together. It was around this time that I truly felt greatful to have her accompany me during this major life change. I extreemly nervous about what the future held for us, but I would never let her know that.
Ages 9-11
Late 20’s All though I hate to admit it to her, Jay and I are best friends. I never relized that having a child so young meant that I had chosen to grow up with another human being for the next couple of yeas and she would in turn get to witness my growth, not just as her parent, but as a women as well. For 11 years she has been there through all of my experiences and is the person who knows me best.
She’s patiently watched me mature and grow to be the mother I am today. We have inside jokes and binge watch tv shows together, she tells me about who likes who at school and the dumb things the boys do. I know her favorite you tubers and once in a while we skip school and work to stay home together. She knows about the people work who get on my nerves, and about my passion for writing. She encorages me every day to not give up on what’s important to me. All though I set boundaries and expectations as her guardian, I am very open and honest with Jay so that our trust in each other will remain. I look back over the years and realized that I wasn’t just raising my child, I grew up with her. I was a baby raising a baby, but baby, look at us now.
